I

LIFE gave me everything. It gave me a father, a mother and work as well. I was just a little girl and my childish heart already loved the little I had. My little eyes absorbed everything. From an early stage I had realized this was not the life I was waiting for. I learned to read and to see. Then, I measured distances between cities and paths. I used to feel that there was something more beyond what I could see. I produced bigger dreams than myself, wondered between dreams and worlds that I didn’t met but knew that existed. I spent hours imagining how to escape this place. I was just a child and already knew I didn’t want that destiny for me. My body self shaping the people who taught me until my growing mind felt thirsty of other knowledge. Always restless and curious, I lived anxious because my body was under developed. I still did not conceived that it would be with that body of mine that I would have to build my path and my bridges. I was surrounded and tamed by other minds, while my own found refuge in another world. I had hunger for everything, from the candy to the culture. I took books as my allies and friends. It was them who showed me other philosophies. Myself, a bare foot little girl, partially toothless and carrying dirty clothes, I was already owner of a bended body, even before it was fully formed. I would satisfy my anxiety with candy wrapped in multicolor paper.

Until finally my day arrived! That one I desired. That day in which I was going to release myself from everything.

 But life was much more precise and critical. I have journeyed in scary dreams where the thirst and the heat taught me they’re lessons. Was I really simply a young woman with a very fragile body? Or was there something stronger that was dominating and beating me? I know now, that since always, a very old soul lived within me. She used to punish me, with the harsh truth in the meaning of life.

I slept under the moonlight, underneath a throw of stars that didn’t cover me, such they’re magnificence. Little by little I matured, seeing war skeletons tamed like beasts. Life was nothing more than a garret, hidden in time, inside my own elements. After my own share of reading and writing, I developed my own philosophy. I only saw myself as a body from which I served myself. Until when the God who guided me, pointed to me my own soul that was living also inside my body.

 I observed the Milky Way, the comets and the stars as worlds from where my soul came from. I felt progressively missing. I have questioned everything, even those who gave me life. But I was still the little girl who ate candy.

I left this reality, this fabricated world, from which I knew nothing. My dreams fed me and took me away from the land, until I discovered that everything that I imagined was true and possible.

I started them to accept that I came from another place. But how to understand this thirst for knowing in this inhabited planet.

I felt myself deep buried in work and other wars that tormented me.

 Today I call life as a burnt flame.

 I accept this blue planet as my home.

 I accept I am in a boat and just passing.

 I have, therefore, a lot of courage, to sail this journey which without remembering I decided to take.

 After seeing human beings crawling like serpents, abandoned on the roads, victims of others mean minds. I found it was time to leave behind my memories. My heart was awaken for the path of life and has shown me who I am. I am a wise soul, but as naïf that wants to live and experiment everything. Maybe because I do not wish to come back. Maybe that’s why I have this side that comes with me, this will to read and write and evaluate my life. The mirrors distort my stare and my body that is no longer straight, but still discreet. Like water when it arrives at the lake. From so much spinning I become myself a noria.

 I am a pure water spring,

The thirsty death.

The life that tortures me,

The punishment that beats me,

Remembering who lives within me.

 One day, if anyone finds me, they will know that I passed here, not only existing, but everything to see. From such a bended body, it does not matter anymore what may still come.

But my arrival has not been in vain. It embraced the magic wand of life, so to trough writing I could serve others.

 When the body does not find peace, I write with the soul.

 This one, who here presents itself like an indigent, it’s me,

waiting at the soul door.

Authoress: Joaquina Vieira 31/7/2015